So I ran into this song on Pandora on my Droid, while driving northeast for an hour to take my ex-girlfriend/best friend out to lunch, and hang out. It was every bit as awkward as it sounds, but it was fun. I don't think it can ever work, and I think that still makes her sad. But we're still close. We sat in a Starbucks, drinking terrible fancy lattes while I told her all of life's problems, and she told me some of her's.
Wow, anyways, so the song, it was on my Electronica station, this song "The Rain" by Calvin Harris. He's unknown to me, but his tracks show up on that station alot. But that song really stuck with me, the chiptune style, the intro that sounds like SimCity for SNES, and the low synth beat. And then that line: "These are the good times in your life. So put on a smile, and it'll be alright."
So then I think "Screw you, Calvin Harris, you don't know me!" But then I realize that it really got to me. Even behind a delicious electronic dance beat, hearing "It'll be alright" is kind of triggering, especially hearing it repeated. I don't know how I feel about it - it feels more like taking a splinter out than getting one. It hurts, but it's okay. I resent the idea that the key to recovery is to "fake it 'till you make it", to force yourself to be happy if you're not. But then I still have alot to be grateful for. And there's still alot I can control. I can't always just be happy, but I can always work harder. That's just what I got out of the song, apparently there was a girl mentioned in the song too, but that's not the part I was interested in.
Song #2, Katy Perry's Firework. Now, she's a little pop, and most of her hits have been pretty mindless. But this one was positive, and I have to appreciate the effort, even if it was just the result trying to target her demographic.
"Baby you're a firework. Come on let your colors burst." I'm a little embarrassed to say that it gets to me. It lifts my mood. Makes me feel like I have something to look forward to if I get better. Like there's a world out there that will love you if you want it to. There's a dichotomy there though, Katy Perry is one of the "popular girls", singing a song for all the outcasts. I feel like it'd mean more if it came from someone like Pink or Ingrid Michaelson, someone who's more on the outcast side themselves. But the song is what it is, and it's great.
I had a weird conversation with a coworker of mine. He's in his 30's, he's been a manager, and is one of the big guns on our project. One of those guys who knows everything. Apparently we made a connection at some point. We were both working late, so he pulls up a chair to my desk at around 8:00 PM and starts telling me about this rumor he overheard about our tolerancing expert's replacement. Our current tolerancing expert got a job at another aircraft company in town, leaving us with a slot to fill. And I'm apparently one of the people being considered to fill this position. I'm not within 5 year's experience of any of the other candidates (this guy being one of them), but he's not taking it, because it's too much work for where he's at in his life right now. All the while, he keeps talking up my work ethic, building me up, telling me I've got friends in all the right places because of what I've done at work. Usually I'm pretty tactful about deflecting compliments like that, but he was determined to not let me deflect all of them. It's weird, it's almost like he knows everything about me, like he knows what I need to hear. I'd say it's creepy if I didn't know I was so easy to read. And then he mentions that his wife ran into my facebook profile, because apparently my name came up in conversation, and they thought all my wall posts were funny and clever, and she's got someone she wants to hook me up with now. I don't know why all this is happening, and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to ask him why he's being so nice to me. He doesn't owe me anything, we don't even work directly on the same parts. It's possible he just wants to be friends. That makes me nervous.
Well, anyways, busy week lined up. Monday through Thursday. Friday off. Thursday may be slow. M-Wed will be crazy. Tomorrow is a huge review for a set of parts that I (almost) exclusively design. It should go pretty well. It butts right up against my next appointment with the psychologist though. Yeah, tomorrow's gonna be crazy.
Also, if you've seen a commercial for The A-Team movie coming out on DVD, they were probably playing this song. Rockstars, by Steve Aoki. I kind of dig it. It's electronic and dirty, but I like to play it when I'm feeling kind of "devil may care".
- Time for a Music Video post